Five
Reasons NOT to Lose Weight
We
are inundated by
exhortations to lose weight – from the media, from our friends, from
our
family. As the richest, fattest, nation on earth, we idealize the
impossibly
thin supermodels who smile (or smirk?) at
us from every
magazine cover. We spend a fortune on trying to lose weight and despair
when we
don’t.
Enough
of the diet gurus,
the nutritionists, and the weight loss experts (including me), let’s
enjoy
ourselves for a while. The diabetes and clogged arteries will overtake
us all
too quickly. For today, let’s feast freely at the banquet of life.
- Ordering in a restaurant is incredible fun.
Your
dining companions may
be limiting their selections, counting carbs
and fats
and calories but you are free of all that. You can pick the creamiest,
juiciest
item on the menu without a single twinge of guilt. Go ahead, have the
baked
potato with extra butter and sour cream. Chew the divine crispy bread
with your
creamed soup or artichoke dip appetizer. Go exotic with beef Wellington
in its
flaky crust shell or dive into that impeccably marbled steak. And while
your
companions sip coffee, order peach pie – a la mode, no less. Now, weren’t you the one who made the most of
the evening?
- Enjoy the company picnic.
Let
your coworkers make
fools of themselves running three-legged
races and
playing very bad touch football. They will have sore muscles and
bruises for a
week. While they are moaning and groaning on Monday morning, you’ll be
comfortable and serene, enjoying your memories of being the first, and
the
last, in line at the buffet table and how much fun it was to graze
uninterrupted on those marvelous desserts.
- Appreciate your daughter’s school play.
All
those skinny, active
mothers have been working for weeks to get everything prepared. The
benefits of
obesity became crystal clear when you were not even asked to paint
scenery,
hang curtains, set up chairs, or walk the neighborhood to solicit
contributions. You can limit your involvement to showing up for the
performance, fresh and unstressed, gratefully eying the tasty snacks
set out
for afterwards.
- Make the amusement park comfortable.
The
wheelchairs provided for
the disabled and the obese are a heavenly way to see the entire park.
Every
other adult becomes exhausted as the day wears on,
tired of waiting in lines and walking miles to get to the rides the
kids want.
You are cool and comfortable as they wheel you around. As the others
get
grumpier, the kids flock to you and lament that their parents don’t
maintain
your interest and encouragement of everything they want to do. And on
the long
drive home, when others are too tired to eat, you still have energy
left for a
burger and fries.
- Make your vacation complete.
No
one even considered
suggesting a camping trip or a week at the beach, did they?
No, they knew your idea of a treat was a short road trip with stays at
deluxe
hotels with soft beds, room service, and a concierge at your beck and
call. Let
the others take a walk around town while you lie down with a good book
or television
show. When they return and, over dinner, tell you of the sights they’ve
seen,
you can listen intently while mentally rating the local cuisine based
on your
vast gastronomic expertise.
Ah,
life’s good!
P.
S. If you take this
seriously, get yourself to a therapist, tout de suite.
